Robert Hall writes from Dallas, Texas. He is a recovering CEO, executive coach, author, and speaker on relationships.
We become whatever our strongest thoughts are and whatever our strongest habits are.
Prominent college football coach
A previous post looked at how our use of technology not only distracts and dilutes some of our key relationships in itself, but also drives addictions which can be even more damaging to them. But it also noted signs of a movement afoot to change our relationship with technology. There is hopeful evidence – especially among the young – that people are becoming more intentional about developing stronger relationships and less confined to tech-addicted, tribal, divisive ways.
So, how do each of us – young or old, addicted or not – join in this early-stage movement to make our society and our world relationally happier, healthier and more productive? Let me outline three strategic, but disarmingly simple, relationship intentions that can help us move forward:
1. Turn social/mass media off: I hear a number of people say they have put themselves on a media diet. A study of young adults found that a two-week detox from social media resulted in improvement to smartphone and social media addiction, as well as sleep, satisfaction with life, stress, perceived wellness, and supportive relationships.
Increasingly, we are trying to protect our kids from this destructive “phone-based childhood.” How about we protect ourselves and our relationships from our “phone-based adulthood” through screen-free, play-based, in-person activities.
2. Return to office: Historically, work has been a crucial source of these precious assets we call relationships. Yet the rapid evolution of technology, supercharged by the Covid crisis, has reconstructed the work environment for many with the option of work-from-home (WFH).
Like for so many of our other choices in consuming technology, the ease and convenience comes with a cost. The hopeful news is that employers and employees are seeing the value of reconnecting at work and finding ways to balance WFH and return-to-work that can restore some of our relationship loss. How about as employers and employees, we think beyond just convenience and cost and become more intentional about the importance of building and rebuilding productive relationships that enhance workplace culture and mitigate loneliness. How about we prioritize productive relationships as we look for the best combination of onsite, hybrid and remote work. Think of returning to the office as a retreat or sabbatical from WFH.
3. Return to gathering – church, local community, volunteering, outdoors: It seems local, communal in-person gathering is making a bit of a comeback.
In many ways gathering has been replaced by “digital crowds” that foment what they hate but create and require little that promotes belonging. Our estrangement will continue until we trade in our enemy-based, mean-making, social media-driven faux relationships, funded by monetized algorithms – for durable forms of real relationships: the ones formed in real communities that require give – and take – in response to real purpose.
I am particularly intrigued by the shift the young are evidencing in a return to relationship-based faith communities. A survey of 13,000 in England and Wales entitled The Quiet Revival, found that in 2024, 5.8 million people were attending church at least once a month – 12% of the population – compared with 3.7 million or 8% in 2018, an increase of 56%. The most significant upturn was among the 18-24s (Gen Z) with 16% of them attending church at least once a month; six years earlier, only 4% did so. This is now the second most likely age group to attend church regularly. The US is seeing similar patterns.
What explains this shift? The Quiet Revival findings are consistent with a body of recent research that finds meaning, satisfaction, connection, hope and mental health is significantly higher for those who gather at church.
Interestingly, Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone, found that people who are active in religious communities are systematically more generous and better neighbors. Theology or denomination had nothing to do with it. His statement, “It’s not so much ‘faith’ as ‘communities of faith’ that seem to make people nicer.”
Just as we have become intentional about exercise in a society where so many are no longer required to perform manual labor – we must now embrace relational exercise and workout routines for a society no longer required to gather and develop relationships. Relational intention and workout is the new thing. Hopeful news: this shift is already underway and it is our opportunity and our charge to embrace it. It will first require “not doing” that is then replaced by “new doing.”
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