The Relational Challenge of COVID-19 (Part 3)

During the pandemic, many of us found it difficult to maintain fruitful relationships with friends – and sometimes even family members. Lack of face-to-face contact diminished our enjoyment of one another’s company and, in some cases, caused us to draw back from interacting altogether.

In an earlier post on this blog, Robert Hall cites evidence of COVID-19’s severe impact on mental health. Other studies present the widespread social impact of the virus on social isolation and loneliness; for example, these two recent reports published in Nature:

• The effects of social isolation on well-being and life satisfaction during pandemic
• The effects of the COVID-19 pandemic on neuropsychiatric symptoms in dementia and carer mental health: an international multicentre study

So, how are we to respond? How can we, as individuals, prioritise actions to nurture relationships and care meaningfully for others when the basis for our customary interactions has been removed?

The Relational Proximity Framework^[1] offers a helpful starting point. The Framework’s primary purpose is to provide a simple tool to measure the quality of relationships. As we consider the quality of our own relationships, we can use the Framework to evaluate our effectiveness along the five dimensions of relational proximity.

During the pandemic, through lockdowns and other government restrictions, many of us had only limited physical access to visit those outside our immediate households. In many instances, this restriction in directness reduced our sense of connectedness leading to a fall-off in communication. Recognising this limitation in the context of the Relational Proximity Framework is important. Rather than simply surrender to external forces working against the quality of our relationships, we can recognise the value of investing in other dimensions of our relationships. Specifically, using the best forms of communication available to substitute for the directness of face-to-face interaction (possibly Zoom, FaceTime, or the phone) we can:

1. Ensure we maintain momentum by establishing frequent interactions that serve to build our shared storyline, even as we cannot pursue our usual activities and interactions.
2. Find new, creative ways to interact, so as to explore different aspects of our relationships (multiplexity). These could range from playing games online to watching the same movie together remotely and discussing it, to having a meal ‘together’. This aspect is particularly important as so much of our relational capital is built on shared experiences over time.
3. Maintain fairness in the relationship by consciously compensating for any power imbalance that may result from one of us suffering a greater degree of constraint than the other. For example, if for some reason, I am able to go out to shop for groceries while my friend cannot, I might offer to do her shopping for her. Or if another friend is suffering from depression, it may be up to me to pursue regular contact.
4. Reinforce our shared common interest and alignment on crucial dimensions, not least in terms of showing mutual commitment to sustaining our valued relationship with one another.

We all want to nurture relationships with those we love. The Relational Proximity Framework points to practical ways we can do so when we have limited direct contact with one another.

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